Who the heck am I and why should you care what I have to say?

** The introduction post **

Brandy-new substack here. It would somehow feel wrong to just start writing as if I had been here all along… so this seems like the obligatory, “Hello, I’m here. This a little about me and what I’m gonna be doing here…”

Or something like that.

So who the heck am I… and what am I doing here…

Right, let’s start with that.

… easier said than done lol …

My mind just went blank. What am I supposed to tell you? 4 years of trying to make a business work, countless business coaches, and learned marketing techniques scream at me to be concise and know my “target audience.”

**Gag**

I am so over all of that.

It was never me. (No wonder the business thing did not work out for me…)

The conditioning was strong and now that I want to just BE as I am… naturally and without agenda… it feels strange and weird… like, do I even know how to do that anymore?? Definitely not without judgment lol.

One thing I DO know.

I am NOT concise. Not. Even. A. Little.

And you know what?

I am very happy that way, thankyouverymuch! 😝

Ok, can we stop rambling and get back to the matter at hand?!

Yes, yes, right, right…

So ME.

First thing to say is I’m very much into Human Design. It found me a few years ago and has completely changed my life. I am currently experiencing some really intense transformations, and that has led me here… to write… to express it… to put it out in the ethers so that other might stumble upon my words, resonate with them, and…

… and what?

Honestly, I have no idea.

Do whatever it is that the resonance does with them. (Does that make sense??? lol)

I suppose that is truly the long and the short of it…

My most recent experiences have me feeling an intense need to OMGJUSTSAYIT… it’s a physical need almost. The frustration of not expressing what needs to be shared has been driving me insane.

So here I am.

More practically though, if you are into Human Design and curious, I am:

• 2/5 Sacral Generator

• Consecutive Appetite digestion/determination with Taste cognition (Design Sun/Earth color 1, tone 2)

• Passive Mountains environment with Inner Vision (Design Nodes color 4, tone 4)

• Power perspective with Meditation (Personality Nodes color 3, tone 4)

• Innocence motivation with Action (Personality Sun/Earth color 6, tone 3)

• Variables PLR DLR

I have been deeply interested in the substructure of design lately, so these, to me, have been the relevant aspects of myself. I have actually not been very interested in learning about my incarnation cross as of yet, even though that tends to be of quite some interest to many people.

If you are curious, mine is the Cross of Service 4 (58-52 | 18-17)

The notion of “finding my purpose” in life (the general theme associated with the incarnation cross) is not something that speaks to me. Never really has.

The question of, “What is the meaning/purpose of existence as a whole?” was what that did interest me… and I sought to learn what different religions, spiritualities, and philosophical schools of thought had to say on the subject. But I did come to a place where I found… well, yeah, I guess you could say an answer… that satisfied me:

“The meaning of life is meaning itself.”

I don’t remember who said that or where I saw that quote. But it resonated deeply and satisfied the matter within me.

There is no objective meaning or purpose that we must “find.” It will be what we make it. It comes from the joy we derive and/or create, as we experience our existence.

OH!! Ha!

As I wrote that out, I had a realization:

There is my gate 58 Personality Sun shining through. 58 is the gate of joy, and that is very much my focus in life. LOL. Oh, I love it when these things come together. No wonder that perspective on meaning and purpose resonated so deeply for me, and was such a satisfactory answer to my question!

You know what?

Let me share my HD BodyGraph with you…

Natalie’s Advanced Human Design BodyGraph

That’s me. It’s fascinating how much it actually IS an accurate representation of me!

The more I dive deeper into Human Design, the more in awe I am of it and how it just WORKS. And, well, even more so, how it actually all makes a difference in my life.

Like I said before, lately, I have been experiencing intense transformations… and that all is what I will be exploring here, in my writings.

I have always loved expressing myself in writing and am feeling excited to get back to expressing myself in this medium… in an UNCENSORED capacity… because I did write some posts and whatnot in the past few years… but trying to be strategic about it, in order to market and grow an audience so that I could sell my services to them…

Yuck.

It was so stiffling.

I don’t think that way.

I don’t express myself that way.

It feels off.

It feels gross.

It feels manipulative.

JUST. YUCK.

(lol 🤭)

And I just. Don’t. Want. To. Be. CONCISE damnit!! 😅

Oh yes, before I get too carried away rambling on…

Why should you care about what I have to say?

Ahhhhh yes, the million dollar question, is it not?

First of all, if you have read this far… do I actually even need to answer this question?!?🤣

Ohhhhhhh, unless you were sneaky and jumped here first?! (I suppose that is always a possibility, right?! lol)

Here’s the thing. I truly have no answer to that question.

I have no clue.

I, personally, think that I tell stories that are fun to hear/read. I deeply enjoy storytelling. Crafting sentences. Creating meaning out of words. Imparting the wisdom I have gained in an intellectually stimulating way.

BUT!

👇

The truthy-truth (yes, I often make up words! lol) is that it has taken me over a month to start taking action on this insanely intense push toward sharing my thoughts like this… because there was the thought in the back of my mind… “And why would ANYONE care to read what I have share? Why would anyone care to take in my story???”

My mind says, “Girl, who the heck do you think you are?!?! Ain’t nobody gonna give two shits about what you have to share!!”

So I kept feeling the desire but putting it off.

Cuz it’s scary.

Scary to imagine I might put it all out there… all these words and stories and things that make my core tremble… and no one will be there to receive them.

Oof.

Scary.

Sad.

Lonely.

But the bottom line is that I need to share it all.

Maybe it’s not FOR anyone else.

Maybe it’s just because I need to put it out.

And maybe that is good enough.

Scratch that. That IS good enough!

**** Imagine that “IS” is underlined three times. They don’t let me underline things here lol ****

So why should you care?

I hope because you find it interesting. I hope because my way of writing captivates and entertains you… while also making you go, hmmmmmmmmm.

I have been told that my stories are activating to others. That it makes them face themselves and see things in and about themselves that did not otherwise.

So maybe that’s why.

I know my completely open Solar Plexus together with being a 2/5 tends to bring about emotional clearing and transformation in others. At least I think so, ha.

Maybe you will be the judge of that.

Any-hoo.

This was fun.

SO if no one ever reads it, at least I got joy out of it.

Yeah.

That IS enough.

For now, I am complete 💙

Have any thoughts after reading? I’d love to know them. Please don’t hesitate to share!