4 years in a month?!
My 2025 so far - or - More lessons in trusting my Sacral Authority!
All I can say right now is… Whoa.
This year started out with the shit hitting the fan for me. It was pretty intense and I can hardly believe it’s ONLY February of 2025.
Pretty sure I just lived through 4 years in a month
😵💫😅
The details of what exactly happened are not important, but we had to move. It took us completely by surprise and there was little energy for anything other than focusing solely on that aspect of my life.
I am getting to breathe again, finally.
Here’s kind of the funny thing…
My body had already “known” that it was time to move
For 5ish months prior, I had started to feel a pull to look at other places that are available in my area. My mind got all kinda dreamy, imagining how much better it could be somewhere else.
I did REALLY like the house I was living in… the inside of it. The area around outside was not quite as I would like it, and I could feel we would likely not be there for too, too long.
But we’d signed a year lease and dealing with ending it early seemed like a headache I did not want to deal with… and as the time neared for the end of our lease, the thought of moving itself seemed like a HUGE headache that I most definitely did not want to deal with.
The house was not perfect, but I was absolutely satisfied enough with it for the time being and decided we would just stay there.
Isn’t that cute?! 👈 I hear this phrase echoing in my mind in Ra’s voice 🤣
Life. The universe. My energy?? Lol… SOMETHING had a different plan in mind!!
Which came first?
I found myself pondering whether I pulled forth the energy as I was contemplating and desiring the move months ago… or were the energies pooling in that direction and I was picking up on that?
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter. And maybe it’s both. And neither. Simultaneously!?! lol
It’s an interesting question for my mind to ponder… and I hold it lightly, without pressure of actually coming to an answer. It’s just sort of fun to roll around my brain.
It does, however, also bring me back to my generator response.
Waiting to respond
On the day we received that unexpected call, there was this part of me that just wanted to laugh knowingly. Like, yep. I felt it. I guess it is now time. Let’s do this.
I felt this deep perfection in the unfolding of events.
It had not been time to move before. That would have been me initiating based upon my own desires and thoughts.
It’s hard to say what might have happened if I’d tried to put things into motion months ago. Who knows… maybe it would not have worked. Maybe we would not have found the right place. Maybe the place that we were getting pulled to was not ready for us yet. Maybe we would have gone somewhere else and it would have been fine but who knows, maybe it wouldn’t. Obviously, we can only speculate on what possibilities or lack thereof potentially might have been present months ago.
Some might say it doesn’t matter. There is no design to any of this. (Ra included lol. This is somewhere I do not feel resonance to what he teaches.)
But I truly feel that there is something grander… deeper… at work. Pulling us along. Even if it is just the mechanics of our monopoles, pulling us along our geometries, bringing us to the things, people, and situations that are in perfect alignment and resonance with us- for no purpose other than the experience of experiencing those experiences! I don’t necessarily think there must be a grand intelligent plan being executed, but I do believe that by allowing our mechanics to take us where it will take us, that we will have the most correct and enriching experiences we can in our lives.
I believe that we can find deep satisfaction in it all. And peace. And success. And surprise. All the “true-self” signatures.
I can’t stress enough how it’s not always a “pleasant” experience… but damn. There is something so… perfect… about going through an “unpleasant” experience when it is correct. Lol… it can be hard to put into words.
The past month has been intensely stressful and difficult and OH-SO-unpleasant. I did not like it. Do not want to do it again. Wanted to run away screaming like 24/7. Wished I had magical powers to just blink it all away, Jeannie-style!!
AND YET.
I went through it feeling a deeper sense of… calm. Even as I was so stressed that it felt like I could not breathe at times… that was on the surface. Underneath, there was a sense of- “All is right. It will pass. This is necessary. Everything is and will be ok.”
I also observed myself acting and responding differently to situation than I would have in the past.
That was SO cool to witness!
Waiting felt more natural!
That was the craziest part.
There were moments where I would have been moved by old conditioning to push and initiate… moments where I could observe old thoughts rise to the surface and see how there was almost this energetic rut that I would have followed in the past.
The most interesting and amazing part was that not even my mind experienced pressure to follow that old conditioning and those old energetic ruts!
All I felt was an exhaustion and a lack of energy for that old bullshit haha. Mentally, emotionally, holistically. It was like, nah. I simply cannot. And I did not. And it felt amazing to just allow situations to unfold as they would without my getting in the middle of them and trying to hold things together in a way that was way more painful to me than just dealing with whatever the eventual fallout may be.
My mind and my body BOTH felt much better sitting back and waiting for the energy to rise up from within before taking action or doing anything.
It felt more natural.
The thing is…
The situation itself was fraught with so much anxiety and just allowing it play out was unpleasant and made me fearful. Yet it felt correct to allow this to exist around me.
And, in the end, everything worked itself out. Granted, there were some unpleasant lessons that others involved in the situation needed to go through… but, again, there was this underlying correctness for me in the way I showed up and just allowed the chips to fall where they would.
They were good, necessary lessons. That the others involved needed to go through and experience. And after that, things unfolded more smoothly. Well, a bit more smoothly anyway.
The “moral of the story”…
Well, there isn’t one exactly ha. I just wasn’t sure how to transition to wrapping this up 🤭
One of the most exciting things that I have begun to experience, after having thrown my hands up and radically let my sacral take the wheel about 2.5 years ago, is to find a beautiful deepening of my trust in myself… my body… my being… my sovereignty…
It’s not something that has happened when I take myself OUT of my life or keep myself safe from challenges and unpleasantness…
No.
It is something I am discovering, more and more, in the thick of life and all of what had previously felt like the insanity of the world around me.
As I anchor myself more deeply within my own center and learn the language of my authority, the more I feel like I can exist in this life and in this world, in a capacity of an autonomous, sovereign being. I can exist in this world as ME.
Anyway…
I think those are my thoughts for now.
I swear I probably had more and different things to share, but this is where it went, and, for now, it is complete.
Bye for now.