I Float (Ungrounded... by design?!)

Exploring how my Design Earth being in my undefined Ajna has affected my life experience

Recently, my attention was pulled toward pondering the fact that my Design Earth placement is in an undefined center.

Our Sun/Earth- both the design and personality placements- are said to make up a huge part of who we are. If my memory serves me right, I’ve seen it said that 70 or 75% of the neutrinos that program us come from them. And so, they have huge impact on us and who/how we know ourselves to be.

I had long since heard about how it can be difficult to have one of those placements in an undefined center, because that means you won’t have consistent access to something that is a pretty large part of who you are.

On the personality side

Both my Personality Sun and Earth are in my defined Root, and my Design Sun is in my defined Spleen. However, my Design Earth is in my undefined Ajna. (Let’s shorten Personality to P and Design to D from here on out.)

It is said that who we know ourselves to be is our personality placements- we have easy and conscious access to all of those. It’s the parts that when you hear about them, you’re like, “OH YA. Harhar. That’s me FOR SURE! LOLOL!!”

Of course, the knowledge says that if either of P Sun or Earth are dormant in an undefined center, then you may feel unable to really be that part of yourself consistently. Now, I’m just parroting the knowledge I have come across here because obviously I have no idea what that could be like. But I think the idea is that it will be more difficult to embody because it can feel like your shining light is stuck in a closet a lot.

What I do know is my own experience with my P Sun and Earth… all I could think as I learned about those gates was, “Oh god, but of course!” So much recognition there. I may have tried to be different than I am, but there was always this place within me that was connected to these energies… and there was a relative ease in seeing how to get back to it.

I did find myself at first a little confused about the Earth placement, since it’s not something that is used in Astrology, but I feel like I get it now… in short, it’s the thing that grounds one’s Sun.

So for me: I have the 58th gate as my P Sun. Joy. Then I have the 52 as my P Earth. Stillness.

My joy is grounded in stillness.

This is quite oversimplified- there is much nuance that could be added- but at its basic & most simplest level, my Sun/Earth can be distilled to that statement.

And wow. It feels powerful. It feels profound. I deeply resonate with that simple, little statement.

Putting it that way actually has helped to ground me in my stillness even more. It’s amazing.

Taking this over to the design side

Now…

The same sort of thing can be applied to the design side… the D Earth grounds the D Sun.

Exactly what THAT means, practically speaking, and how to apply it in real life still feels a little confusing to me, though.

Our design side has to do with our bodies and our body consciousness. It is also a part of us that we are not easily conscious of because it’s sort of like it’s all going on beneath the surface.

For myself, although I can easily mentally pinpoint how my personality definitions show up in my life, when looking at my design side, I tend to have more a vague sense about how it applies and how I relate to it- and I also find it harder to explain in words.

My D Sun is in the 18th gate. Correction. It took me a while to see it, but over time, I can say, oh yes, I do see how this energy plays out in my life!

When it came to my D Earth though… I did not find that I had much of a sense about it. It was like something that seemed way out there and did not have much to do with me.

Opinions. Hmmm. Ok. Sure. I know I do have those. And, well, ya, ok, I guess I can see that my correction would need to be grounded in my opinions?? I suppose I can see how that would make sense…?

But it was all a bit confusing. I could not FEEL it the way I can feel all the other 3. Even the mental musings only made partial sense. I wasn’t too concerned though… I was focused on other things and that particular aspect was just a curiosity that did not call much of my attention at all.

Except for when it did call my attention

I don’t remember exactly when or what it was that got me pondering my D Earth more in depth. It was sometime in the past couple of months… someone posted something in one of the HD Facebook groups I’m in that mentioned something about having one’s Earth in an undefined center.

It wasn’t even a big part of the post.

But it captured my attention.

It’s funny how it happens… noticing the right little thing and the perfect moment in time… when you’re ready for it…

I think the post was even talking more about the P Earth, rather than the D Earth. And it got me curiously rolling thoughts around in my mind… how would that apply to my D Earth? And suddenly it connected with experiences I had been having. And OH GOD it started to unfold in front of me… I could start to see how I had been living it out… very deeply in a not-self, trying-to-be-who-I-am-not way!!

It was fascinating to begin to connect these dots…

I began to see how I have been living from a VERY ungrounded place all of my life… and how I have been desperately seeking to ground myself in a way that I am not designed to.

I float

My joke with myself has always been that I do not really have roots. I am like a plant whose roots are in water and flow this way or that way, with the current… wherever the river takes me. I do not have ground that my body feels rooted to.

I have also found it fascinating how other people have this thing about their roots and where they came from… this deep attachment to that sort of thing… I have never ever been able to relate to that.

I am from nowhere. And everywhere. I belong to nowhere. And everywhere.

Lately, especially during and after my ordeal with having to move out of nowhere, I have looked around me at how people spend decades living in the same house… how people have this desire to own a house and just… stay… there…

Like… how?? how that does even work? How do you just… stay… ????? lol

However, I have found myself wondering this with a deep envy… HOW????

Because I am so tired and I just want to feel ok where I am. I want to feel like my body and my life are just ok being where they are and not like I have to go find the next place and then the next and then the next.

I have always been restless.

I never had the dream of homeownership. It kind of always seemed to be way more trouble than it would be worth. I mean, my husband and I did own a home for a few years, but life evolved and we sold it. And moved. States away. Not at all to my surprise lol.

And even in my envy of the people… well, most everyone else?? haha… who do manage to get to a place and stay there for decades… I can feel another part of me knowing that I would get restless, and my watery, floaty roots would want to be carried away by the currents.

I keep trying to imagine what my ideal life would be like.

You know, the whole, “If there were no limitations and you could do whatever you wanted, what would you do?” sort of thing…

And I can’t picture what my version of “perfect” would be!

Because I like having nice stuff. I like having a nice house. A BIG house. Full of comfort and, yes, my STUFF.

Yet, at the same time… I want to be able to just GO… to move to somewhere else whenever I want to. But to NOT have to worry about the stuff. I want the stuff to be there but not burden me.

When I try to come up with a scenario where that could happen, I bump up against my stupid logistical mind that can’t seem to play the “In a perfect world” game where everything gets to work because you don’t have to confine yourself to the “possible.”

But it goes beyond just being about where I live

I have begun to notice that I seem to have… a weird thing with continuity. I don’t really know how to describe it… well, I suppose, I have not yet been able to really grasp the realization that has been slowly surfacing here. But I will try to put words to it as best as I can right now…

It’s like… when I’m done, I’m done. Whatever it was I was dealing with, when I am done dealing with it, it’s almost like it stops existing for me. Which is a problem because it doesn’t stop existing for other people 😬

I am trying to think of examples, but my mind is coming up woefully blank right now!!

Maybe for the moment, I should just leave it at that.

Even though there is a part of me that thinks I should just delete this last part because either it doesn’t make sense or it’s too close to something uncomfortable that I need to dive into… 🫣 We will leave it, but move on for now lol…

My Not-Self keeps seeking consistency in groundedness

This is the most important realization that I am having through contemplating my D Earth being in an undefined center…

Part of my restlessness is stemming from a Not-Self need that makes me feel like I need to figure out how to be grounded here… how to ground my body… in the ground…

I feel a deep fear at the thought that I need to let go of trying to be grounded in this way. I can’t imagine how it could possibly be.

What does that even mean? How do I just NOT be grounded.

It feels like letting go of ground beneath my feet would mean to sink… eternally into the abyss of nothingness.

Seems kind of silly to say that… wasn’t I just talking about how my roots float? How does letting go of being grounded mean I will sink??

Mmmmmm yes, the nonsensical ramblings of the Not-Self mind!!

And yet, what can I do? It’s the feeling. The reality does not matter when the feelings are stuck somewhere else. I must acknowledge the feeling and allow it to pass through me… reality will be on the other side!

Lack of continuity

I had to stop writing for a few hours.

My thoughts and writing were flowing beautifully, and then suddenly, I got lost and my train was derailed.

At first, I was very rattled by the sudden shift that my self-expression took and tried to keep finding my way back to the point. I wonder if you, dear reader, can feel the shift in my expression as you read my words…? It would be interesting to know- comment and let me know, if you feel called, please!

But as I took a step back and allowed space for the sudden discombobulation, I started to wonder if this just isn’t part of the very ungroundedness that I am exploring here…

The sudden break in continuity in my thinking…

My D Earth is in my Ajna after all.

Which is kind of a whole other mind fuck. The aspect that grounds my BODY is in the center of the mind, which is undefined for me so I do not (my body does not??) have consistent access to it 😵‍💫

Like, I’m sorry, what?? LOL 😅

What sort of fuckery is this?! 🤣🤣

I have been very much at a loss as to how in the world this configuration would work in its unconditioned, original-design, healthy kind of way, you know? I’m not sure you know. I can’t seem to get these words right, here…

My mind reels and chimes in… how is this a design that won’t be awful and painful?! How can this possibly ever be a good thing??

Well, dear mind, I promise you we will find out. Not right now, though, because I have thoroughly and completely confused myself and lost the thought-train we had started out on 🤣 but we will continue living and observing and feeling and adapting and adjusting as we experiment and listen to our sacral.

🌀

Anyway… this has been an interesting one to write.

There’s a part of me that wants to apologize profusely for the crazy mess I feel this ended in… but ah well. It is what it is. If nothing else, I hope it amused you to take a ride on my crazy thought-train!

I’m sure I’ll have more to report on this subject later. But that’s all I had for today.

Bye for now.

💙